Get outta my freakin way

I have started driving in to work. Why?

1. It is COLD outside and I don't want to stand around waiting for the bus
2. I can sleep an hour later and get to work at the same time
3. I can leave whenever I want
4. It is cheaper to pay to park than it is to ride the bus

There is one thing, however, that I miss about riding. Someone else had to deal with the idiots on the road.

• Do NOT drive in the far left lane (aka the FAST lane) and go the speed limit. If there is a loooong line of cars behind you and, one by one, they go around you... you need to GET OVER.
• Do NOT pull in front of me to "pass" another car, but go the SAME SPEED as the car you are wanting to pass.
• Do NOT ride my ass when I am already going 80, there are people in front of me, and the other lanes are moving slower. I will not move over. I am going with the flow of traffic. I would get a ticket if I were a single car and clocked by the local po-po.

Just stay out of my way. Stay in the other three right lanes if you can't keep up with traffic speeds. And for heavens sake... if there are NO cars in front of you for at least the length of a football field and there are cars behind you, please move your butt to the right. You won't get a ticket... we will.

Thoughts of a doctors visit

I'm probably going to lose a few of my boy readers when they figure out the topic of this post, but too bad. I've got to get this off my chest.

I went to the "girl doctor" today. Bleh.

I don't know about you ladies, but when I'm in the office and prepping myself for his entrance (yes I have a boy gyno), I always tell myself "He's seen worse. He has seen all kinds of cooters- diseased, nasty, old, hairless, hairy, fat, thin, smelly - you name it, he has seen it. Mine is normal. Plus he delivered my daughter by c-section. He has literally seen me inside and out!"

But it doesn't make it any better.

Today something else hit me. As much as I hate it that he is down there, he has to have an assistant, too. And she doesn't stand over by the cabinets... oh no siree... she is standing right over his shoulder handing him the items he needs.

That means there are TWO sets of eyes taking a look at my privates. And how much does it suck to be HER? She didn't go to school to look at other lady's vajayjays! She went to OB school to be a nurse that preps women on having their babies. She wants the joy of watching a baby grow and experience the excitement of the couples that come for their appointments.

NOT looking at nasty cooters all day long!!!

Do you think she (or even the doctor for that matter) think to themselves "Oh. That's a good shave job!" or "Sheesh. Sistah girlfriend needs to invest in some laser hair removal!"... what do they think????


shudder

Lost Season 4 Finale

After two straight hours of OMG, WTF, WTH, and Huh???, I can honestly say that was the best Lost show EVAH!!!

So much happened and so many questions were answered... and yet they left us, once again, will HUGE questions for next season. Let me see if I can remember some of the things that caught my attention:

Warning!! Spoilers ahead

• Sawyer and no shirt... umm... don't jeans get heavy in water, too? Whenever he found the time to strip off that shirt during his swim he could have removed the pants, too. Just sayin.
• Sun was killin' me in the helicopter. Her anquish was insane.
• but I don't think Jin is dead... he can't be
• Sayid rocks. When he was kickin' Keamy's a$$ I was almost screaming outloud. One of my friends puts it so eloquently -- Sayid is the Iatollah of BadAssery!!!
• One man can move an island. I guess he moved it to some desert somewhere because he had that same jacket on a couple of episodes ago.
• Michael was finally released from his "cannot die" syndrome by Christian? Who IS that man?
• The dream sequence with Claire -- who is the "he" that can't come back? We want to believe it is Aaron, but could it be Jack she is talking about?
• Hurley playing chess with Mr. Ecko... do you think that is real? Could it be possible?
• What was up with the tape suddenly rewinding? And was it playing through when Keamy walked in?
• I cried when Des and Penny got together. Bet that boat was rockin' till sunrise!!! But why didn't he SHAVE?
• How did Locke get off the island? Is it because of its new location or is it because he is now the leader of the Others? Does that leader get some sort of special priviledge?
• Who else got off the island that Sun suggested? Was she talking about Des and Lapidus?
• What happened to the people in the zodiac that was heading back to the tanker before it blew up?
• Charlotte was born on the island? Is that what she was suggesting? If so, how did THAT happen?
• Is Sun turing into a bad girl now? I mean she is wanting to team up with Widmore...
• Who is the second person Sun blames for Jin's death? Jack thinks it is him, but could it be Kate, or Lapidus, or Des? They all made her stay on the helicopter
• Did I mention Sawyer without his shirt on? And smiling with those dimples. GAH!
• OK -- riddle me this batman... the O6 story is that they were stranded on an island for three months. Suddenly they are seen coming ashore on another island in a raft. I would think a big question would be if they had the raft for three months why didn't they use it before? Was it because of Kate "having the baby"? Where did that raft come from?
• What did Sawyer whisper to Kate?
• How did "Jeremy Bantham" die?!!
• Loved who was in the casket, but why... and how...
• Locked blames Jack for all the "bad things" that happened after they left the island. Wonder what all that means.
• Rose was PI$$ED at ghost hunter dude for eating the peanuts. What was that all about?
• And for the funny -- did anyone else catch the girl's thong? She was the second group getting into the raft... she bent over and there, above her khaki britches, was a purple thong "whale tale". I bet she is one embarrassed chick... unless it means something...

That's all I can do for now. So much happened in the final hour or so I thought my head would explode. That was AWESOME! I'm ready for next season to begin already... and when will that happen? Are they going to make us wait until Jan/Feb again? Booo!!!

My carpet?

I was waiting on the train platform this afternoon. Across the platform was a guy "rapping" his own version of something I couldn't understand. Trust me when I say this boy is NO Fiddy Cent... okay?

Anyhoo...

Next to me is a young kid talking on his cell phone. At one point he hangs up and we make eye contact. I roll my eyes a little bit and smile at him -- directing it to the dude across the way.

He looks me up and down and says, "Yo, baby! How you dooin? You need your carpet cleaned?"

I shook my head no and tried not to laugh.

Now...

Should I be insulted or was he really worried about the carpets in my house?

My run of bad luck followed me home

I am so happy to be home. The return trip was just as eventful as the time in LA. Want to know what happened?

Before I get started, however, I must say I haven't watched Lost yet. Carl recorded it for me. I just haven't had the opportunity to watch. Once I do, I'll post my thoughts... I know you are DYING to know them!!

Anywhoo-

The trip home started OK. I got to the airport, posted my thoughts about the trip, called my buddy in VA to make sure she was OK and then boarded the plane.

I sat down in my window seat. There was an empty seat in between myself and another lady. As I got settled in I smelled something nasty. I couldn't figure out what it was and started subtly sniffing around. I took a peek at my seat mate and realized she was clutching her stomach and looking at the quickest routes to the bathroom. I thought to myself "Great. She is sick to her stomach. I hope she doesn't puke!"

But it was worse.

As I watched her out of the corner of my eye I saw her look down the front of her jeans. And then roll up her shirt... where there was something ON IT. She took a kleenex and tried to clean it up.

After doing a little more looking, I realized she had on a wig. That is when it hit me. She either had or has cancer and I think she had a colostomy bag that had leaked on her. She smelled sooo bad. She got up and went to the bathroom, but it didn't do any good. I had to ride for 2.5 hours to Denver with my jacket over my nose and mouth. I couldn't move seats -- it was a pretty full flight. I didn't want to embarrass her, and I couldn't smell anything as long as my nose was covered. She put a blanket over her which helped, too. But when we landed and she threw it off --- OMG -- the green cloud that descended over the cabin... it was horrifying. I don't know if anyone else was affected, but it was killing me.

My mom described the smell perfect -- it smelled like a septic tank.

Sorry if that made you sick... the rest isn't as bad.

Finally, we get to Denver. I rushed off the plane to clean air... and SNOW. I couldn't believe how hard it was snowing. To me it looked like white out conditions, but I'm a Georgia girl. My state shuts down with just an inch of snow... this was so much more than that.

Needless to say, we were stranded on the plane for well over an hour before we could be de-iced and take off. We finally landed in ATL 2 hours late... and the pilot said he was "speeding" to get us there. I looked at the inflight map at one point and we were going 550 knots per hour. WOW!

Once we landed I got my bag and headed to the shuttle to go to my car. I parked in a lot that was three traffic lights from the highway. Wouldn't you know the city was doing resurfacing of that street and had it shut down to one lane both ways. I needed to turn left, but NO. I had to turn right and go back to the airport to get on another highway to get home.

THEN I get in my little city and some kind of road work was going on. I was stuck in traffic with no one doing any kind of traffic control. I called Carl raising hell and he got someone to come and let ME through... it pays to "KNOW" people. Hee.

My plane was supposed to land at 8:01 and I was supposed to be home no later than 9:30. Well... We landed at 10 and I got home at 11:15.

I hope all my bad luck is said and done. I don't want anything to happen the rest of the week... or to mess up my vacation next week...

If you are still reading this... thank you! I'm glad to be home. I'll post pictures soon.

First message for today

Dear Ms. Patterson,

Thank you for your message this morning. I would like to clarify a thing or two, if you don't mind.

1. I am not Nancy Grace. The last time I recorded, and checked, my voicemail message it clearly stated my full name, company, AND department. At no point in time do I say my name is Nancy Grace.
2. I appreciate your concern over that missing child. BUT if you saw her on an escalator at the mall like you say did, don't you think you should call your local authorities to report it? They have the resources to do a thorough search and get in touch with whatever other agencies are looking for her.
3. Finally, Nancy is out on maternity leave. She just had twins you know... and had to go to the hospital herself because of complications. I don't think she has the time or energy to return your call. Call the police for help...

Thank you very much! Have a happy holiday.

M

And I am NOT making light of a missing child. If this woman saw a missing child in a mall she needs to call the COPS not a television host. I sat at my desk with my mouth open wondering just want the hell this woman was thinking.