Conversations in our house

There is a girl up the street named Kenzie. She is the bully of the neighborhood. She is loud, obnoxious and a spoiled brat. She isn't always cruel... she just needs a lot of attention. (I think she has extremely LOW self esteem)

My kids have big hearts though and are always nice to her. They'll play at her house until she pisses them off and they come home. But they always give her another chance.

Bug and Carl tease J-man about liking her. If we are going somewhere and see her in front of her house, Carl always says "there's your girl, J-man!". To which J-man promptly pretends like he is going to puke.

Anyhoo...

The other night Carl asked J-man, "So. What's it like to kiss Kenzie?"

J-man, "I don't know. Bug? What is it like?"

Bug, "EWWWWW, J-man! I'm not a lesbian!"

My little girl... knowing the word lesbian... and what it means...

Mindblowing.

CRAZY IVAN

Saw this video on another blog and thought it was hilarious! I have always loved Donny Osmond and this makes it even more so. It is a side I thought I would never see!

Conversations in my house

"Mom," Bug says, "I have a new boyfriend at school. I'm going to tell you some things about him and then QUIZ you to see if you were listening.*"

Me: Ok, honey. Go for it.

Bug: (using her fingers to count off)

• His name is SB. (last name sounds like the name of a vaccuum cleaner -- so that is what Carl and I call him now-- S. Vaccuum Cleaner)
• He has browndish-blondish hair
• He has bro--- no WAIT -- HAZEL eyes
• His favorite color is... blue
• His favorite sport is... baseball
• His favorite food is... chicken
• He is - like - mid-tempo

Me: Wait. Mid-tempo? What does that mean?

Bug: You know... it takes a lot to get him mad. He is MID-TEMPO

Me: Do you mean Mild Tempered?

Bug:(rolling her eyes) Whateverrrrrr!! You know what I mean...

Me: (laughing to hard to say anything else)

* I passed after I stopped laughing.

Conversations in my house

While Carl was home for dinner last night, J-man sat at the table to talk to him while he ate. I was attempting to navigate the mess that is in our living room floor (it's not that bad I promise) and I told J-man that he needed to pick up his skis.

He asked what that meant and Carl said, "You've got big feet, dude! Your shoes look like skis"...

and the conversation then went downhill...

C: You know what they say about big feet?

J: No what?

C: Means you have a big... you know.

J: Cool!!!

Me: That isn't true!!! That is an old wives tale. I have been told a theory that seems to work better. You look at a guy's fingers! If they are long and skinny then.... you know. If they are short and stubby, then... mmm hmmm.

J: Well, I've got long fingers...

C: Yeah, man! Your fingers are longer than mine!

J: (begins to chant) I've got a bigger penis!! I've got a bigger penis!!

OMG!!!! I have not laughed that hard in FOREVER.

Yes... we have these kinds of conversations all. the. time.

Boys...