Miss my buddy

During high school I worked at Six Flags over summer breaks. During one season I met a fella that went to another school and his name was Andrew. He introduced me to his friends - Kenny, Mychael and Barry. We all became inseperable. I went with Kenny to his senior prom (he, Mychael and Barry were all one year ahead of Andrew and me) even though he broke his foot a couple of weeks before and was on crutches. Even the night I graduated we all went to Stone Mountain and I made out with Mychael on the way home. Those were some awesome times...

Then we went our seperate ways. Mychael and I went off to college, Andrew moved to Alabama, Barry went to work, and Kenny just disappeared. Mychael, Andrew and I still talked and kept in touch, though not as often as I would have liked. I even went to Andrew's wedding in 1989. But I missed them all so much. The last time I saw Andrew and Mychael was right before I got married... we met for dinner (with Andrew's wife) and it was like old times. Then life kind of got in the way...

After I got married I didn't hear from them much. I was busy working and, suddenly, raising a baby. I decided one afternoon to call Mychael's mom to see if she could give me his number. I wanted to joke around with him that it was funny that I, of all people, had a kid! Well... this was in July/August of 1996... she said that Mychael had passed away in June of 1995. You see, Mychael was a hemophiliac and had contracted Hepatitis during a blood transfusion. What breaks my heart is that while in the hospital he was asking for me and I didn't even know it. I was living in the same house I lived in when we were friends but no one thought to come by and see if I was there. I had even talked to Andrew a few months before and he knew where I was. My heart still breaks that I didn't get to say goodbye to him.

I do think, however, he is still around me. He died two months before J-man was born, and I think he is his guardian angel. We - J-man and I - have had some pretty strange experiences over the years. Things like shoes missing but we find them later, lights going on and off in J-man's room, books disappearing and then showing up right where they were before. Mychael and I loved playing jokes on one another and I think he is letting me know he's here.

One time I asked him out loud to let me know if he was around. The next day I was getting ready for work. The kids were asleep upstairs and my cat was in my lap. (We didn't have the boys at the time). I heard some sort of knocking in the kitchen so I went to investigate. J-man had gotten a remote control four wheeler for Christmas and it was up against a kitchen cabinet - the antenna was wiggling like it had moved. I took a step into the kitchen and that damn toy rolled in MY DIRECTION! I freaked just a bit, but was thinking "OK - the cat is on the controller." I looked to my left and the controller was laying there with nothing around it. I took another step toward the toy and it rolled backwards - away from me! OK... I almost passed out. I took one last step and that sucker rolled to me. I picked it up - opened the battery door and popped out the batteries. The toy immediately went into the trash can. While I was trying to get the batteries out I was thinking to myself "if this thing starts up, Carl is going to find me laying in the floor dead of a heart attack." You may think I'm crazy but I KNOW that was Mychael. We had been experiencing other minor things for years, but that was the craziest. (I've got stories that would give you goose bumps -- maybe another post?)

I have read that spirits feed off of kids' energy to help them "communicate". Now that the kids are growing up, we don't have as many experiences. I ask Mychael all the time to let me know if he is around. Sometimes I feel someone kicking the back of my seat in the car when no one is back there - one of his favorite things to do to me when he was alive - but other than that, nothing else. I miss him. I miss his goofy laugh and silly jokes. But most of all I miss Mychael as he was when we were hanging out. He introduced me to Adam Ant, The Thompson Twins, Tears for Fears, the B52s, and pretty much all 80's English bands. He was silly, fun, and oh so smart.

I want Mychael to meet my kids and my husband; I want him to come over for the 4th for cookouts; I want to pick up the phone to ask him "What's up!" I want my best friend back. I just wish I could have said goodbye... I will regret that forever.