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Tuesday, February 08, 2011

It WILL get better.... right?

On top of everything that has happened with the pupper, I'm having issues at work.

This is the hardest job I have ever had. Hands down. They are paying me good money and are getting the work outta me. I have worked late, I have worked on weekends, and I am even having to work late on my birthday.

ugh.

Not happy.

Stressed.

Yesterday was particularly bad. I have busted my butt on a big project and got feedback that it needed some "refinements"... which made me miss my deadline.

I was beating myself up over it pretty bad at the end of the day. I like to get things done... on time... and this one didn't work out that way.

So driving in the rain on the way home (which took over 2 hours)... guess what happened.

I ran over and killed a cat.

It was crossing the road and was half way across. As I approached, he freaked and ran back in my direction. I couldn't avoid him. I felt it.

I had held myself together until that point. After I looked in my mirror and saw what had happened I LOST it. By the time I pulled into my driveway a couple of minutes later I was sobbing. Hiccup inducing sobs. Can't catch my breath sobs. Scare my kids sobs.

I was a mess.

I have never been so happy to have Carl there to hug me and calm me down. I needed to be held. I needed him to stroke my hair and tell me it was all going to be ok and that he believed in me.

What a horrible day.

But today is better. The crying felt cleansing.

And I have Carl driving by to see how bad the cat looks. UGH.

4 comments:

Life in the mom lane said...

oh no....
I am sorry you are having such a lousy week...
I would've been in exactly they same shape given the same circumstances.

Hang in there it will get better!!!

Martha said...

It does get better...in your own time, in your own way, you'll get there.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

oh no - i'm so sorry this happened. i had a similar incident with a puppy years ago. ran right out in front of me, then panicked and turned around directly in my path. i could not stop and was out on country road. i don't even know where the dog came from.

SkippyMom said...

I know it isn't the same thing - but I ran over a ground hog on a highway entry ramp [how the hell he was there I will never know] and I cried the 35 miles it took me to get home.

I still can remember it - and I am so sorry Marni. It just seems to come in waves.

I don't know what is up with your work - but hang in there. They hired you because they believe in you.

And I owe you a birthday card, don't I? Happy birthday sweetheart.

Love you.