I want to sleep all the time and not because I'm sleepy. If I sit still for longer than 20 minutes I am out. But sleep doesn't refresh me. It only makes me more tired.
I cry - a lot. And at the dumbest things. Today, for example, I was watching Ellen. When she started dancing, I started bawling. I don't know why. It just happened. And it happens all. the. time. (Like now)
I don't want social contact. The thought of being alone makes me happy. I don't have to answer questions, deal with fights, make decisions, talk. It is quiet. It is for me. I love working from home because I don't have to talk to co-workers. I love the people I work with -- I just don't want to deal with them. I don't want to hear their whining when there is enough of that going on in my head.
But I'm also being selfish. I'm a mom and wife. I need to interact with my family. I need to talk to them. I just don't want to. And they don't know that. I put on a front. At least I think I do.
Maybe I'm kidding myself.
I don't know who to talk to about this. My PCP? A shrink? Who? Who helps you feel normal again? Who tells you it can be fixed? Who can make me happy again?
Who can freakin' pay for it?
A Forced March in the Woods. Part 2
7 months ago