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Monday, August 28, 2006

Two nights... one man...

I HATE Jason from the Friday the 13th movies… even though I have never seen an entire flick. It is a totally irrational fear. I don’t know why I am so scared of him. Is it the mask? Is it that he came from a lake? I don’t know… Some people are afraid of snakes… I am afraid of Jason.

I dated a guy in college who we will call PR. We went to a haunted house one Halloween with another couple. While waiting in line, PR was standing behind me with his arms wrapped around my middle. He was busy talking to the other couple (who were behind us in line) and he turned around to talk to them – which meant he took his arms away from my waist. After a few seconds I felt his arms come back around. I was looking all over the place for – yes – Jason. I KNEW he was there somewhere. I was nervously tapping on PR’s arms while scanning the area.

I looked down.

PR’s shirt had changed.

He was wearing a blue shirt… these arms were in red plaid.

Oh. My. God! I looked up and behind me. I saw a MASK. It was JASON holding my waist! You probably could have heard my scream in the next county! I was too scared to run... I nearly fainted. He let go of me as my boyfriend and other friends laughed their fannies off (I didn't find it ONE BIT amusing).

It seems my beloved PR had called. him. over. Jason followed us through the entire haunted house. Everytime I turned around he was looking over PR’s or someone else’s shoulder. I am surprised I made it out of there alive.

Fast forward to this past Halloween.

We were out trick-or-treating with the kids. We got home. Our back door was open slightly. I thought someone was in the house. Carl checked – nothing.

Suddenly something hit the front door – like someone threw something at it. I screamed… Carl went out the front door to check it out. I was standing in the foyer between the front and back doors. I looked to my left and coming in my back door was JASON! He was HUGE!

I left the kids to fend for themselves. When it comes to Jason all bets are off and you have to deal with it yourself! (such a wonderful, protective mother I am!) I took off, screaming, upstairs. As I made it to the top I was thinking to myself “This is stupid! You dumba$$! You have nowhere to hide up here… he is going to get you!”

Then I heard the laughter. Carl’s and the kid’s… and someone elses. It seems my dear, sweet husband and his best friend, Chris, planned this out – for weeks! Chris is about 6’ 7” and used to play for the New Orleans Saints. He almost has to duck to get in our door. HE was Jason. HE is what I saw coming through my back door with a hatchett (or what I thought was a hatchett – it turned out just to be a billy club) and that damn mask.

The kids were in on it, too, but when it all came down J-man ran and hid in the pantry and Carl had to catch Bug as she was screaming out the front door.

Funny… very funny!

I hate Jason.


KLee said...

That is not even in the slightest funny. My husband would have been sleeping on the couch that night.

My husband knows better than to do this to me because he is deathly afraid of snakes. I'd get his trick-playing behind right back, too!

Marni said...

That was being VERY sarcastic. I didn't talk to him for about a week. It didn't help that every time I looked at him he would start giggling like a school girl. I was pissed!

Beth said...

That's just mean.

Old Lady said...

Some people just don't understand how far to take it! I don't know why guys like to scare us.

ccw said...

Poor you! That would scare the crap out of me.

My stepfather did this to my mom once except he channeled Michael Meyers from the original Halloween. He returned to the room wearing a sheet with his glasses over top and carrying a beer. It scared her to death.

Life, or Something Like It said...

My brother pulled a similar stunt on me when I was 15. Even though I knew that it was him chasing me wearing a mask, I still ran like the wind.

bekah said...

This is why I don't let people know what I'm truly afraid of... people think it's funny to torture other's... terrible!

Poor you. :-(
I would have pissed my pants.