It breaks my heart to have to say this, but...
J-man has to repeat the sixth grade.
We have struggled with him all year. We kept telling him that if he didn't do his homework - or turn in what he DID do - then he would fail. I don't think he believed us. He has had it easy his whole life. If he asks for something, he usually gets it. If he gets in trouble, we make it all better.
It didn't happen this time. I couldn't do anything for him.
We kept telling him that, by law, all we have to do is make sure he is in school every day. What happens when he passes through those doors is completely up to him. We can help him with homework, but we won't do it for him. We can talk to his teachers, but ultimately it is up to HIM to make sure he gets it all done.
He didn't do it and now he has to repeat.
He's shocked. I think this is a HUGE wake up call for him. All his friends are moving on to the seventh grade and he'll be doing the same things he did this year. What a waste of a year.
I wish we had done it before now, though. He started struggling in third grade, and I wish we had realized the extent and held him back then. Hindsight is 20/20, huh?
J-man is younger than the rest of his classmates so he has some maturity issues. Maybe over the next year he will mature a bit more and gain some confidence in his abilities. Maybe he will be able to do the homework because he understands the materials (since it will be his second time seeing them), and he'll be able to focus on the details.
His teachers all said he is one of the smartest kids they have. He just has issues with time management and laziness. He participates in class. He leads discussions. He does the hard stuff that he has to do... he just doesn't want to do homework. He doesn't like doing the details. He doesn't like to think about answers - he just wants to guess. It is very frustrating.
We have come up with an initial plan for next year. We are going to meet with all of his teachers within the first week of school. We are going to talk about how to make sure he has his agenda signed, all of his worksheets available, and our communication as parents and teachers. (That was definitely an issue this year. I tried to communicate, but it wasn't recipricated.) Then we are going to meet each mid-term to discuss J-man's progress, any missing homework, and how we can keep him on track.
I hope this has opened his eyes. I mean, what if he fails again next year? What are our options then? I can't think about that... I have to promise myself right now that I won't let that happen. I'm already dreading this. I really am.
I want to cry for him, but I can't.
What's done is done. I just hope he can pull it off. I hope... so much...
oops.
5 months ago
12 comments:
Hugs, Marni. Hopefully, this will be a helpful and beneficial experience.
I repeated 6th grade. Sounds like for pretty much sme reasons, although I never lead a class discussion. Sixth grade was also the year that my depression hit me big time, and back then, youu were just a problem child...Nobody cared about depression or any other issues.
My second year of grade 6 was actually quite enjoyable. I felt like I could breathe...
I hope that J-Man doesn't take it too hard. I'm sure that this next year will be better, and I bet that he WILL show more maturity and the lines of communication will remain open. It seems that teachers WANT parents to be more involved, yet with many, there is little or no communication.
I am sure that this WILL be a wake up for J-Man.
Hugs to you, Marni, and to your little man..
Marni -
Sorry for the disappointment for you and your son, but maybe this is a wake-up call in many ways. Maybe he just doesn't take things seriously, like homework, even though he is bright. But maybe there is something more that you should look into. I don't think there are too many kids that WANT to repeat a grade - especially the older kids. My youngest daughter has ADHD, and it affected her attention span in school, even though she was thought of by her teachers as being one of the brightest. In her teen years, she was also diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. Most people would never know that she dealt with those issues. They just think she is this over-the-top, crazy, ultra-social girl, but she was really covering up some pretty serious issues. She has been in therapy now for four years, is getting ready to graduate from high school, but has also been taking some college courses along with the AP courses that she took in high school. She's getting herself together, slowly but surely. It's probably nothing serious for your little guy, but it might be worth talking with your pediatrician, and maybe a child psychologist this summer, just to make sure that nothing is being missed. I think a lot of times there are "signs" that given the luxury of hindsight are things that would have made more sense if you would have known what you are dealing with. But again, maybe it's nothing more than having to learn a hard lesson that homework does matter. But it took more than just a couple of missed assignments to get to this point. Good Luck, and don't beat yourself up about this. Just look at this as one of the stepping stones that will ultimately mold him into a young adult.
I'm sure it's going to be hard on him, just like it is on you, but I have a feeling that he has the support of a good mom and he'll be just fine. In adulthood, no one knows or cares that you had to repeat 6th grade. I hope all works out for you and J-Man.
Nadine: Thanks for the hugs!
Biddie: Thank you, hon. I suddenly feel like I can breathe too.
Anonymous: thank you for your thoughtful and helpful comment. J-man does have ADHD and we are sure that is part of the problem. I am looking into getting some counseling for him as well as the rest of our family to work thru this stuff.
Craig: Thank you! He is such a great kid! I hate it that he has to go through this, but I'm hoping it will help in the future.
one thing i have to say is in a way having to repeat a year is good, it is something we don't have over here so if a child has fallen behind they dont get to resit the year. i know you wont see this as good but it would have been great if my son could have taken a year again. hope all goes well and conversing with his teachers is a great thing we did that and it really helped
I babysit two young boys (10 & 11) and the way you described J-Man is EXACTLY the way these two boys behave and they have been diagnosed with ADHD too.
This was the year that I "gave up" the homework fight. And by "gave up" I mean I started treating them like the young men that they are. I stopped standing over them and trying to make them do their homework. I put the responsibility on them. If you know you have homework to do then you do it. If not, then you suffer the consequences. As painful as it is for a parent (or a caretaker) to watch, sometimes it's important not to shield kids from consequences.
This has not been a waisted year for J-man. He will learn a lesson from this that will serve him his entire adult life.
Wow, what a tough decision you had to make. I hope it all works out for him this next year.
My brother got left back in 2nd or 3rd grade, and it devastated him at the time. Then in high school he had a guidance counselor tell him he wasn't cut out for college and should consider a trade. Now he's got his BA and an MS in politics and justice studies.
Sometimes kids need a significant emotional event, the equivalent of being shaken or having cold water thrown in their face. And as parents, we love them too much to be the ones to do it.
He'll be ok.
Aww.. It is all right pal !!
Things come & things go..
Part O' Life..
:)
I am so sorry!
Maybe this is a blessing because it will allow J-man to catch up socially and makes him realize that he has to try harder.
oh, HUGS for you and J MAN Marn, I am so sorry.
Porcupine has a problem with the homework thing too - but not to this extent I think, I don't know what I would do if she had to repeat...I just know your heart is broken for him.
You are a great Mom and you handled this is the best possible way...I am sure he will heed what you tell him from now on, lest he have to repeat another grade or go to summer school.
Hugs again sweetie.
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