You know what they say about assuming

Back in college my best friend had a sweet little part-time job on the weekends. She would go to bars and be in charge of a dating game called "Selectrocution". As patrons would enter the bar they would receive little tags with initials on them; boys got blue tags, girls got pink. If you saw someone you were interested in you would note their "initials" and take a message to Kim (my friend). She would type the note into a program and the message would appear on a scrolling screen that was strategically placed above the dance floor.

If you received a message you could either choose to answer it, ignore it, or find the person that sent it to you and start up a conversation. It was FUN!

WELL -- one night I was with Kim and a couple of other friends. Kim was doing her thang at the keyboard and I was doing mine... a.k.a. getting extremely intoxicated. I danced with several guys and noticed one standing off to the side. He kept giving me the "eye". Finally, I received a message from him. He wanted to dance. Fine. We danced. Then he disappeared. I sent him a message. We met up and started dancing again.

Remember... I was very drunk.

SO...

The night ends. My Guy and I are outside talking. I need a ride. My friends allow this stranger to take their drunk-off-her-ass sorority sister home. I don't remember the trip home at all. I remember the lights being on on my front porch. That is it.

Fast forward to the next day. I was at work in a Hallmark store at the mall. My Guy called and asked if he could come take me to the movies. I said "Sure! But I'm VERY hung over and want to go home immediately afterwards. I really don't want to go to a bar or anything." He said that was fine and we made plans for him to come to the mall. There was a movie theater there and it would be the easiest place to meet.

OMG. I must have been REALLY drunk the night before because when My Guy came in the store I wanted to die. He was gross! He was about 5' 2" (I'm 5' 6") and was about as round in the belly as we was tall. He had long-ish brown hair -- scratch that... it was a mullet -- and he thought he was a STUD! He stood at the register to talk to me... and would dance to the elevator music playing in the store. He was trying SO hard to impress me! It was very sad.

Anyway - I'm a nice girl so I decided to go ahead with the date. I was a poor college kid and it was nice to have someone take me to the movies. (I could always find drinkin' money, though! Funny, huh?)

We went to see Coming to America with Eddie Murphy. I thought the movie was OK, but My Guy was horrid.

After it was over, he was walking me to my car and this is the coversation we had.

MG: I would love to spend some more time with you.

Me: Uh. I told you I'm hung over and I want to go home.

MG: I really want to spend more time with you though.

Me: No. I'm going home.

MG: But I got this for us.

And he proceeds to pull out a HOTEL KEY!

Me: What the hell is that for?

MG: I told you... I want to spend more time with you...

Me: Ewww... no! I'm going home.

MG: What about half the night?

Me: What part of this do you NOT understand? If you want to go to a hotel it will have to be either alone or with a hooker because it will NOT be with me!

And with that I got in my car... gunned it out of the parking lot... and asked myself all the way home "What the hell did you do or say to make him think you would do THAT?!!!"

Funny now... then... not so much.