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Friday, September 01, 2006

Letting go is so hard

J-man is getting SO big. He decided tonight that he didn't want to spend the night with his grandparents. He has been going over there for one night a weekend since he was 2 weeks old. He has missed - maybe - two dozen weekends due to vacations, sickness or family obligations. (Yes, I am one lucky lady to have a dad like that) It is so WEIRD to see him home all weekend.

Tonight he asked if he could ride his bike to the basketball court in our neighborhood. It is one street over and I can see it from our front porch.

I told him no.

Why? I don't want him to go. That means he is growing up. It means he doesn't need me like he used to. It means he is going to make friends and stay away from me in some stranger's home for dinner and spend the night parties. It means he isn't a baby any more. It means he is an independent guy with his own thoughts, feelings, and yearnings. It means... so much!

I thought about it for a little while longer and finally went outside. He was at the end of the street riding his bike, but I could tell he was looking at the guys on the courts. I asked him if he had his cell phone on him. He said "Yep." and pointed to it. I told him to take off and I would call him in 30 minutes to come home.

I watched him ride away with his head held high. He rode past his sister without so much as a glance. My baby boy is growing up...

I'm counting down the time.

6 comments:

Beth said...

My heart breaks for you. It's hard, isn't it? But at least you know you've raised a good, smart, honest kid.

You could get pregnant and start over ...

Marni said...

Not on your life... no way in hell.

KLee said...

I'm having a hard time with this, too. Offspring asked to walk over to her school the other day. (It's not far at all -- we live right behind it, so distance wasn't the issue...) I wanted so badly to tell her no - I didn't think it was safe, there's not anyone there, yadda, yadda, yadda. But I realized that it was just holding her back, and I had to let her go. Literally and figuratively. So, she went, and I sat by the window, waiting for her to come back. Sad, isn't it?

Marni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Old Lady said...

I loved every chance I had to go to either grandparents, they spoiled us.

Life, or Something Like It said...

Same problem here. My oldest starts college in a couple of days, one is in grade 10, and our baby is starting ..GASP..grade 7. She is still the baby in so many ways, I guess that she always will be. It's so hard, isn't it? Time goes by so quickly...